Anger Management Blog
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Anger Management
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Teaching Anger Management to Children Pt. 5 - Reverse Time Outs
Every one has heard of putting their kids into time out when their behavior is inappropriate. There is a unique twist that you can put on this technique when you are dealing with a child or teen who wants to be argumentative or engage in a power struggle with you - the reverse time out.
In the reverse time out, it is you that takes the time out when the child/teen is being argumentative. If you sense things are getting out of control say, "When you talk to me like this I need to take a time out. Let's talk about this later when you are calmer and can talk peaceably" , exit calmly and don't answer back. Consistency is critical here for the kids to get the message. I had one mom tell me that when she went into her bedroom she had to lock the door so that the child would not come in after her and try to engage. The child became even more enraged and kicked and screamed at the door. You can imagine the patience on the mom's part to not respond in some way. But she understood that doing so would only reinforce in her son's mind that that type of behavior would result in getting what he wanted - a shouting match with mom. Instead she saw him for what he was, an overgrown two year old having a tnatrum and she knew that if she hung in there eventually he would realize she menat business and run out of steam. And sure enough he did. It only took two more incidences for her child to learn she meant business when he acted that way and he has not acted out in over two years as of my last report from mom.
In the reverse time out, it is you that takes the time out when the child/teen is being argumentative. If you sense things are getting out of control say, "When you talk to me like this I need to take a time out. Let's talk about this later when you are calmer and can talk peaceably" , exit calmly and don't answer back. Consistency is critical here for the kids to get the message. I had one mom tell me that when she went into her bedroom she had to lock the door so that the child would not come in after her and try to engage. The child became even more enraged and kicked and screamed at the door. You can imagine the patience on the mom's part to not respond in some way. But she understood that doing so would only reinforce in her son's mind that that type of behavior would result in getting what he wanted - a shouting match with mom. Instead she saw him for what he was, an overgrown two year old having a tnatrum and she knew that if she hung in there eventually he would realize she menat business and run out of steam. And sure enough he did. It only took two more incidences for her child to learn she meant business when he acted that way and he has not acted out in over two years as of my last report from mom.
Anger management advice by Dr. Joe James at 7:10 PM
