Anger Management Blog
Previous Posts
- Anger Management and Moving
- Anger Management on Sunday
- Anger and Forgiveness Pt 2 - Who isthe One Freed b...
- Anger and Forgiveness Pt 1 - Types of Forgivenss
- Teaching Anger Management to Children Pt. 6 - How ...
- Teaching Anger Management to Children Pt. 5 - Reve...
- Teaching Anger Management to Children Pt. 4 - More...
- Teaching Anger Management to Children Pt. 3 - Empa...
- Teaching Anger Management to Children Pt. 2 - Ide...
- Teaching Anger Management to Children Pt. 1 - Mod...
Anger Management
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Anger and Forgiveness Pt 1\3 - What Forgivenss is Not
Forgiving begins with acknowledging that you are a person who has a right to be treated with respect. It does not require denying your feelings. We don’t have to forget in order to forgive. Forgiveness does not produce amnesia.
Lets take a quick look at some common misconceptions of what forgiveness is about
FORGIVING DOES NOT MEAN
Condoning or Excusing
When you condone, you are in essence telling yourself that you deserved being wronged. But as I said a moment ago the opposite is true - the purpose of forgiveness is to actually acknowledge that a hurt or an injustice occurred; it says that you are someone of value who did not deserve for this to happen in the first place.
Forgetting
Recall that our brains are designed to remember painful experiences so that we know how to avoid danger and live to see another day. As I said a moment ago, forgiveness does not produce amnesia. Forgiveness will, however, change the way you remember the past. You will control it instead of it controlling you. And, more importantly, it will change how you deal with your future.
Forgiveness Is Related to But Different Than Reconciliation
Reconciliation is when two people come back together. You can reunite, but not forgive. I have seen many couples who had separated and then gotten back together for the sake of the kids (never a good move, btw). On the surface they had reconciled, but because neither had forgiven the other for the sins of the past they had not truly reconciled. These couples live in two worlds in one house. One never truly reconciles without some form of forgiveness taking place. If the offender remains unrepentant then true reconciliation can never occur.
Lets take a quick look at some common misconceptions of what forgiveness is about
FORGIVING DOES NOT MEAN
Condoning or Excusing
When you condone, you are in essence telling yourself that you deserved being wronged. But as I said a moment ago the opposite is true - the purpose of forgiveness is to actually acknowledge that a hurt or an injustice occurred; it says that you are someone of value who did not deserve for this to happen in the first place.
Forgetting
Recall that our brains are designed to remember painful experiences so that we know how to avoid danger and live to see another day. As I said a moment ago, forgiveness does not produce amnesia. Forgiveness will, however, change the way you remember the past. You will control it instead of it controlling you. And, more importantly, it will change how you deal with your future.
Forgiveness Is Related to But Different Than Reconciliation
Reconciliation is when two people come back together. You can reunite, but not forgive. I have seen many couples who had separated and then gotten back together for the sake of the kids (never a good move, btw). On the surface they had reconciled, but because neither had forgiven the other for the sins of the past they had not truly reconciled. These couples live in two worlds in one house. One never truly reconciles without some form of forgiveness taking place. If the offender remains unrepentant then true reconciliation can never occur.
Anger management advice by Dr. Joe James at 8:31 PM
