One thing that my online anger management program does not focus on is teaching children how to manage their anger. Because of that I will periodically write about some tips on how to help your kids deal more effectively with their anger. One of the most effective, but most misunderstood and misused, methods of anger management for kids is time out.

Instead of an anger management took, time out is viewed by most as a punishment for acting out. However, when you really stop and think about it the real purpose behind it is to help a child learn how to have better control over his or her emotions and behavior.

The problem with thinking of time out as punishment and also describing it that way to your kids is that all they learn is "If I act out I get into trouble". They come to resent and resist it. I can't tell you how many parents who have children with anger management problems I talk to who say that time out doesn't work, in fact it seems to make things worse. The reason for this is three fold 1) kids are learning that they can get mom and dads attention by acting out; 2) they come to see time out as punishment which makes them even more mad and 3) it doesn't give them a sense of empowerment over themselves which is what we are really aiming for here.

What I suggest is telling your kids that time out is not meant as punishment, but instead as a way for them to learn how to calm down and have control over their emotions. With younger kids its especially effective if you frame it as learning how to act like the "big boys and girls" because younger kids really want to be like big kids. Its important to keep repeating to them that you want to listen to what they have to say but that you can't do that when they are screaming and fussing. And after they have calmed down spend a minute or two talking to them about what upset them in the first place. This doesn't mean caving in to them, it means allowing them to have their say and that, even if you don't agree with them, you will treat them with respect if they talk rather than act out in anger.

After a little bit of practice you will find that when your child starts to seem restless or on the verge of getting angry you may find that they will voluntarily go into time out if you simply ask them if they need some time to relax. After awhile longer you will find your children spontaneously taking time outs on their own (hard to believe I know, but try it - it works!).

Think about what a difference this approach would have made for you if you were taught how to manage your anger in this way when you were so young. It would have become as second nature to you as using a knife and fork. Time outs, when used the right way, can be extremely effective anger management techniques.