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The F-bomb is an important part of anger management?? Isn't that what got you in trouble in the first place?

Using the F-bomb that you are thinking of comes easy to most of us. But there is another kind of F-bomb that most of us have a much harder time using - forgiveness.

When I first raise that idea with most people they look at me like I'm out of my f-bombing mind. But thats because most people misunderstand the purpose of forgiveness, thinking that it shows weakness or that you have to forget what happened to make you angry in the first place.

Forgiveness is actually all acknowledging that someone did something wrong to you and that you deserve better. Its also about setting you free from all the stress you carry around with you by holding those grudges.

Ok, I know you may still think I'm F-bombing nuts, but before making a final decision give my white paper "A Secret Ingredient to a Good Anger Management Class" a quick read. You just may come to love the other F-bomb.

Anger management classes can actually save your from a variety of health problems and increase longevity. Sound overblown? Lets take a look at how anger management problems effect your health.

Functionally speaking, anger is there to mobilize you to protect yourself from harm. On a physiological level stress and anger management issues trigger the release of stress hormone called cortisol in your body. Small releases of cortisol can give the body a quick burst of energy which is good from a survival perspective.

While good in the short term, prolonged stress or repeated problems with anger can create a blood sugar imbalance which among other things can lead to impairing your thinking ability in the short term and possible diabetes in the long term; decrease bone density, weaken your immune system, suppress thyroid function which slows down your metabolism and can lead to weight gain and finally, increase blood pressure.

There is also preliminary research which shows that having anger management as a part of your personality style can stop the growth of new neurons in the brain resulting in neuronal death or depression.can cause neurons to shrink and disconnect. Increased stress hormones can also lead to memory impairment and learning difficulties.

There is also a connection between anger management problems and the transmission of abnormal signals from the brain to the heart. One study suggested that the normal signals from your brain to your heart on how to function can be disrupted by anger and emotional distress. This can lead to abnormal heart rhythms (arrhythmia) which has been estimated to cause as many as 400,000 unexpected worldwide deaths annually.

So the next time someone tells you to calm down before you have a stroke you should take their advice literally. Whether its from my anger management course or one offered by someone else, get the help you need to add years to your life.

What is it that makes an anger management class effective? How are can you tell the difference between a class with substance and one without?

I've been doing this for 20 years now and while I admit that I am a bit biased towards my approach; I've read probably close to 100 books on the topic, been to countless training classes and taken several myself. After all that you can imagine that I've seen some good ones and some bad and can tell the difference.

To find out what makes a good experience and what makes a bad one check out my new white paper report "Why Most Anger Management Classes Don't Work".

One thing that my online anger management program does not focus on is teaching children how to manage their anger. Because of that I will periodically write about some tips on how to help your kids deal more effectively with their anger. One of the most effective, but most misunderstood and misused, methods of anger management for kids is time out.

Instead of an anger management took, time out is viewed by most as a punishment for acting out. However, when you really stop and think about it the real purpose behind it is to help a child learn how to have better control over his or her emotions and behavior.

The problem with thinking of time out as punishment and also describing it that way to your kids is that all they learn is "If I act out I get into trouble". They come to resent and resist it. I can't tell you how many parents who have children with anger management problems I talk to who say that time out doesn't work, in fact it seems to make things worse. The reason for this is three fold 1) kids are learning that they can get mom and dads attention by acting out; 2) they come to see time out as punishment which makes them even more mad and 3) it doesn't give them a sense of empowerment over themselves which is what we are really aiming for here.

What I suggest is telling your kids that time out is not meant as punishment, but instead as a way for them to learn how to calm down and have control over their emotions. With younger kids its especially effective if you frame it as learning how to act like the "big boys and girls" because younger kids really want to be like big kids. Its important to keep repeating to them that you want to listen to what they have to say but that you can't do that when they are screaming and fussing. And after they have calmed down spend a minute or two talking to them about what upset them in the first place. This doesn't mean caving in to them, it means allowing them to have their say and that, even if you don't agree with them, you will treat them with respect if they talk rather than act out in anger.

After a little bit of practice you will find that when your child starts to seem restless or on the verge of getting angry you may find that they will voluntarily go into time out if you simply ask them if they need some time to relax. After awhile longer you will find your children spontaneously taking time outs on their own (hard to believe I know, but try it - it works!).

Think about what a difference this approach would have made for you if you were taught how to manage your anger in this way when you were so young. It would have become as second nature to you as using a knife and fork. Time outs, when used the right way, can be extremely effective anger management techniques.

I recently read a fascinating study which turns the stereotype of domestic violence upside down. This study, conducted by Archer, combined the results of 82 research projects of couples seeking anger management treatment found that 64% of women became aggressive in comparison to 61% of men and that 44% of women had become physically violent towards their partner in comparison to 31% of men.

These statistics, surprising as they may be, are not that different than what I see in my anger management classes which typically are split almost down the middle with an equal number of men than women. In fact, the number of women currently enrolled in Dr Joe's online anger management classes slightly outnumbers men.

Despite all the evidence that anger management problems are essentially the same in men as women the stereotype remains that men are most likely to be violent offenders. Why is this? There are several reasons. Men are often loathe to report be assaulted because of the stigmatization of being seen as wimpy. The converse is also true as many women don't want to be seen as aggressive.

It’s important for parents to remember that their children spend just as much time learning about themselves as they do learning about the world around them. Although children need to know that anger is a natural, healthy emotion, they also need to learn that like other emotions - love, sadness, joy - anger needs to be expressed appropriately.

The steps in helping your children learn to manage their anger are the same as the steps for adults. Give them anger management tips for soothing their anger, help them find strategies to stay calm, and teach them techniques for constructively expressing their anger.

The first step in anger management for children is to help your children understand when anger begins. Alert them to the physical symptoms of mounting anger.

* Anger makes you breathe faster.
* Anger makes your face turn red.
* Anger makes your muscles tense and your skin feel tight.

Anger Management Tips for Children

1. Help children calm down and refocus. Take a deep breath and count to ten. If you’re still angry, count further or count backwards from 10 to one.

2. Give them alternatives to anger.
* If a school assignment is too hard, don’t get angry; get help from a parent or teacher.
* Get a hug… or give one when you feel angry.

3. Sometimes children can’t put their anger into words. Give them some crayons and let them put it on paper. Draw a picture of why you’re angry (or a picture of anger)

4. Work off your child’s anger
* Treat your child to a pillow fight
* Buy them a punch doll
* Take them for a walk or bike ride (Don’t let angry children ride through the streets alone!)

5. Reward your child with your attention when they control their anger. Go outside and run around the house five times fast. We’ll talk when you come back in!

Finally, tell your child that everyone (even you) gets angry. Part of being a good role model is letting your children know that you are susceptible to anger, too. Let your child know about a time when you were angry and anger management helped you successfully resolve the problem in a positive way.

From AngerMangementtips.com

Each year over a million people in the United States are assaulted by a co-worker and approximately one thousand are murdered. The vast majority of these incidents occur over a dispute spinning out of control or someone being let go. This article from the The Ledger describes just how these things happen.


How do businesses keep employee disputes from turning violent?

The question arises in the wake of a fatal shooting of a Publix Super Markets employee by his co-worker Tuesday at a store in Tarpon Springs.

Police say Gregory Janowski, 40, was shot by 41-year-old Arunya Rouch after she was fired from the store.

Janowski reported Rouch to management for working on her own time - a violation of company policy - and Rouch was fired after threatening Janowski's life.

But police and Rouch's best friend also said she had been teased by co-workers for months for her critical attitude toward workers she trained at the store, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Specialists in employment law and workplace relations say it can be difficult to manage employee conflicts and predict whether they will result in violence.

Don Grimme, a human resources consultant based in Coral Springs, said it behooves management to become involved in employee disputes to prevent them from escalating.

By acting as a "coach" or "referee," managers can help to defuse even minor arguments that cause ongoing tension, Grimme said.

"You don't ignore employee disputes and say, 'Hey, you're adults, you handle it,'" Grimme said. "Any gripe that an employee has, that doesn't mean you cave into it ... but you can be attuned to that and care about the specifics."

Managers also should handle firings as carefully as possible because of the strong emotions involved, Grimme said.

Ocala lawyer Danialle Riggins said there is no clear legal remedy for employee disputes that stem from bullying or taunting.

Employees are protected against sexual harassment and racial discrimination by the law, but lesser forms of name-calling or humiliation can sometimes go unchecked, Riggins said.

"You can do a sexual harassment policy or a non-fraternization policy, but you can't force people to be nice to each other every day," said Riggins, who specializes in employment law. "It's hard to regulate behavior ... you don't know what's offensive to one employee or another."

Publix spokeswoman Shannon Patten said she could not discuss details of the shooting while the case is under investigation.

But she said Publix does not tolerate any acts or threats of violence among employees, and violation of that policy can result in termination.

Publix also encourages employees to report acts or threats of violence to their managers, or report incidents to officials using a company hotline, Patten said.

"At Publix we have an open door policy where we encourage any associate to talk to their supervisor about any issue they have," Patten said.

The employee handbook for the Polk County Commission says staff have a "duty to warn" of potential workplace threats, which can be done using a confidential hot line.

"I think in a lot of cases the fellow employees are the ones who notice a problem before it happens," said Gary Loar, an Eagle Lake-based consultant who works in conflict resolution and anger management. "Frontline people, the ones you work with, know you and the situations better than anyone else. Management has to listen to that."

The County Commission handbook includes harassing or threatening phone calls, stalking and suggestions of planned violence as behaviors that could be classified as workplace violence.

Both Publix and the county do not allow employees to bring weapons into their facilities.

For more on anger in the workplace see my special white paper report "Over Two Million Reasons Why Americans Need Anger Management Classes"